Brought to you from the desk of MTG Co-Founder Lucas Maloney...I read a lot of newspapers. Over the past couple of months I’ve noticed a developing trend. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions…
Fresno man arrested in spice, sausage attacksAssociated Press
Monday, September 8, 2008
(09-08) 04:00 PST
Fresno --
Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home of two farm workers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.
Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says the suspect, 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez of Fresno, was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks.
The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch sausage.
Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.
Man accused of battery by sandwichCopyright 2008 by United Press International
This news arrived on: 11/19/2008
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Port St. Lucie, Fla., say a man was arrested after allegedly striking his girlfriend with a sandwich while she was driving.
The police report of the incident alleges the 19-year-old victim picked up Emmanuelle Rodriguez, 19, from his mother's home Friday and began driving to their new apartment in Fort Pierce, Fla., while their 7-month-old son slept in the back seat of the vehicle, TCPalm.com reported Tuesday.
The report said the victim claims Rodriguez became angry during the ride and "started to hit her in the arm and striking her in the face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off her face."
Rodriguez admitted arguing with his girlfriend and was quoted in the report as telling officers that he "didn't want to hit her so he threw a sandwich at her, striking her in the face (and) knocking her glasses off."
Police said Rodriguez was charged with domestic battery and child abuse. He was released from the St. Lucie County jail Saturday after posting $7,500 bail.
Man wielding plastic candy cane subdues attacker
Friday, November 28, 2008
(11-28) 14:13 PST Sacramento, CA (AP) --
A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home.
Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong says the man used the two-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.
He says the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor's home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.
He cut several peoples' clothing before one of them decided to fight back.
Police say the man with the knife was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. The guest who took up the candy cane was not arrested because police determined he acted in self-defense.
Man allegedly assaults girlfriend with burger
Thu Dec 4, 11:28 pm ET
Associated Press
VERO BEACH, Fla. – A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.
The report said the man would not let the woman out of the vehicle, so she threw his drink out of the car. In response, the man allegedly grabbed her arm and smashed the cheeseburger into her face. The pair got out of the car, and authorities say the man again took the McDonald's sandwich and put it on her face.
The man was released on $1,000 bond Wednesday.
I’m just waiting for an armed robbery with a Fig Newton… or if someone really meant business, durian fruit. For those who might not be in the know, durian fruit is an Asian “delicacy” known for its repulsive odor and even worse taste. A quick online search will yield many colorful descriptions. I like to think of it as a nice balance of garbage rotting in the sun, road kill, and forgotten onions in the back of the pantry. This smell is so potent that a frozen fruit ball enclosed in a Tupperware container, shrink wrapped, and in a freezer bag still leaves a detectable scent. As far as texture goes, Durian’s stringy pulp is akin to a hybrid of pumpkin flesh and puss custard. Hungry yet? It is one of those rare foods that not only has a strong aftertaste, but an unavoidable “pretaste.” So, if you need some serious edible arms, a unique way to celebrate a special occasion, or just feel like clearing a room and making yourself sick in the process, look no further than the mighty durian.
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