Brought to you from the desk of MTG Co-Founder Alex Zavistovich...So despite our own best efforts to sink the good ship Molotov by sticking our dirty wet fingers in the bakery-fresh pie of the local art scene, people still seem to want to take us seriously. Our latest production, a remounting of last winter’s “Closet Land” for the 2009 Capital Fringe Festival, has gotten good reviews – AND audience walkouts! The only thing we could ask for beyond that would be people getting sick in the audience (oh please, oh please…).
With that in mind, it seems to make sense to offer an overview of some commonly-used Molotov vocabulary for your incredulous reading pleasure. Just like the Molotov Manifesto (http://www.molotovtheatre.org/manifesto.html), which spells out the vocabulary of our approach to the Grand Guignol French Theatre of Horror, we pinheads at Molotov also have a vocabulary of words that we’ve made part of our day-to-day way of working.
We’re sharing this stuff with you in the hopes that it sticks. Molotov seems to be in it for the long haul, so let’s all get on the same bandwagon. How crazy would it be to have people start using these words and phrases in their normal every day conversations? Very crazy, is how.
This is the kind of sticking power a theatre company needs. We want to hang around like a bad rash on the anal cleft of the arts community. Here’s where it starts to spread:
“Awesome”: The ironic absolute opposite of surfer-dude “awesome,” or alternatively a low-key synonym. Like “shalom,” it means different things depending on the context.
Exempli gratia: You see someone in a bar, make a big production of saying hi, and he walks by without a word or acknowledging your presence. “Awesome.”
Or, on the other hand, you receive a great review and six walk-outs for the same performance. “Awesome.” (Note: Not “Awesome!” Simply “awesome.” Think of it with a lower-case “a.” You don’t want to run it into the ground with pointless enthusiasm. Please be cooler than that.)
“Because we can”: The standard response we give to questions like, “why the hell are you doing that?”, “why did you make her take her top off?”, “why a used tampon?” “why chitlins?”, “why throw up Skittles?” or “why three times in the taint?”
Sometimes that’s the only honest answer.
“Disappointing, gratuitous and sophomoric”: The Holy Trinity of purported insults or intended snipes against previous Molotov productions, that instead have become the Molotov standards of excellence. Coming soon as tattoos to the ass-cheeks of the founding members (I've claimed “disappointing” for myself.).
“Gratuitous” in particular has wormed its way into the affections of the creative pinheads behind Molotov. For Pete’s sake, this is the horror genre. Isn’t everything gratuitous in horror? Nothing really adds to the artistic merit of the form, if artistic merit should even mean a damn. We revel in gratuity. We do it because we can.
“Ecsorbete Ignavi”: The Latin translation of the Molotov motto, which in English is “Suck It Wimps.” We came up with our motto after having been accused of being disappointing, gratuitous and sophomoric (See how everything hangs together in the Molotov mythology? It’s a very tightly-controlled system of idiocy. We kind of need a historian to chronicle this stuff.).
Now, not being Latin scholars ourselves, we needed help with usage and conjugation and important things like that. So we sought the expert advice of a professor of classics from Georgetown University (who prefers we not use his name – good call, dude), and this was the best translation he could offer.
We think it comes out to “Suck it dry, those who would be cowards.” Seems there is no direct Latin translation for “wimps.” If you are sure this doesn’t mean what we think it does, then please let us know, but quick. We’re planning to have it tattooed on us as well very soon, and it would be terrible if it actually meant “I fuck corpses for money” or something like that. We’re stoopid, but we’re not stupid, you know?
Still, it’s cool how Latin makes everything sound classier. We’re a classy-sounding bunch.
“Let’s see some shit!”: The equivalent of “begin,” or – in films – “action,” this is the phrase used by Molotov directors and technical team members to signal the start of the rehearsal or performance process.
By extension, at the end of a particularly impressive rehearsal, actors might hear something like “Awesome. That was some shit.” Audience members, please feel free to say likewise to performers after the show.
“Wrong”: A one-word argument-ender. There’s no need to wallow in the pretentious psycho-babble of people arguing over artistic merits. Why exhaust yourself with having to frame a logical argument for people who don’t get what we’re doing? Life’s too short to have to think about everybody else’s harebrained notions of what’s good.
Just like the Insane Clown Posse’s fans (Juggalos, for the uninitiated) shouted down their opponents by yelling “Family!” whether it made sense to yell “Family!” or not, Molotov and its fans have one simple but effective word in their arsenal to quell opposing beliefs: “Wrong.”
Wrong. Say it. It feels good.
Wrong. It feels great. See how easy it is?
So use it on our behalf. We’d cream our jeans if we started seeing blog comments that just read “Wrong.” We’d all know where that came from.
“Molotov Wrong”: There’s “wrong” and then there’s “Molotov Wrong.” Molotov Wrong, of course, is something that’s so appalling, disturbing, disappointing, gratuitous and sophomoric that it’s elevated to something of an art form. Something so bad, it’s good.
Popthatzit.com is Molotov Wrong. Sham-Wow is Molotov Wrong. Other theater companies can be, too (Vigor Mortis, Thrillpeddlers and Landless Theatre Company are all definitely Molotov Wrong.).
So the next time you see a drunken bum accidentally peeing on another drunken bum in an alley next to a public toilet (like that happens all the time), don’t just think, “That’s wrong.” Think, “That’s Molotov Wrong.”
“Suck it wimps”: No need to re-tell this one. See “ecsorbete ignavi,” and nod knowingly to yourselves.
“That’s why we’re great”: When we’ve plumbed the depths of what’s Molotov Wrong, when we’ve redefined what’s disappointing, gratuitous and sophomoric even by our own dubious standards, when we’ve seen some shit that would make a death-row convict crap his own pants, we have put in a good day’s work. That’s what gets us up in the morning. We do it because we can.
That’s why we’re great.
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